Fear and Loathing in Lost Vicki

Well what a week, I don't think I have even been so tired and then the next day would come and I'll feel even more tired.  But I did still keep getting up and moving which to me is amazing because usually I would go straight back to bed and feel terrible about not doing something/anything.  I would always go to bed saying, ok, tomorrow I get up early and go to a run, swim, walk etc (fill in your own blanks) and every morning I wouldn't go.  It used to really get me down cause I'd think I've already disappointed myself and it's only 6am.  Never a very good start to the day but I've got to say putting what I want to do in print has helped clarify what it is I want and it has actually made it easier to go after. 
Over the last few days I've really been having a hard time with anxiety and not being in control of my emotions and it's felt awful.  I have so many supportive friends and I haven't reached out to anyone.  I can feel so caught up in my own world that it makes it so hard to see out.  I was given the opportunity to drive a very close friend to the airport and I had a confined space where she didn't pressure me, she cared so much she would cry with me.  I talked about how I walk into my home sometimes and instead of feeling relaxed I'm home I feel like a complete failure because it is messy.  I talked about how ashamed I was that my son found one of his Christmas presents cause I hadn't got around to hiding it yet and I made him feel bad about finding it.  It was a day where I wanted to be anyone but me, the day ended and another began, yes it was a little better and hopefully each day will be but I need to make some changes is what I really thought.  I thought I don't want to feel like that again, I might be able to change my hair colour, get some plastic surgery etc but the true heart of me is here to stay so I have to embrace her everyday like a long lost friend who you know has parts you love, parts you like, parts your not so keen on and parts you hate but you love her no matter what.  My challenge for the week - be my own best friend, challenge for tomorrow 5am start for jog before session at 6 (BIG CALL)

Welcome Miss Tired and Cranky

Well this morning was a success, I was woken much earlier and already felt tired after my awesome day yesterday but I got up and gave myself half an hr on the couch.  I took it but then afterwards got up and ran.  It felt great .... afterwards!!!!  I'm feeling very tired, I know its good but why so so tired????  I thought energy out gives you energy in but I'm just buggered, I'm hoping it will come.
As promised my day of food.
7.30am Home made Bircher
Juice of 1 granny smith apple, scoop of oats, 3 strawberries, 10 blueberries, 1 kiwi fruit, 1/3 mango with 3 Tbsps Natural Yoghurt , YUMMO
11am (starving) 3 Corn thins, 1 1/2 Tbsps Cottage Cheese 180g tin tuna in springwater 1 tomato salt/pepper handful almonds
2pm handful almonds
3pm (starving) Choc milkshake and 1/2 blueberry muffin
5.30pm Lge bowl of homemade Potato and Leek soup
7pm Medium bowl San Choy Bow homemade
8.30pm 100g tub Bulla Frozen Strawberry youghurt
Overview is too much sugar but I'm not entirely unhappy with the days food.  My one big thing I have to get better at is being organised.  The 3pm food I met my Dad for a coffee but I had nothing to eat with me so I had to make a choice, and making a choice when you are hungry is always bad news, for me anyway.  My challenge for tomorrow is to rest, yes I know I may sound like a lazy person but my body is tired and I need to listen.  Food diary is a go for tomorrow though and my scary task is to play Basketball tomorrow night

I DID IT!!!!

I got up and got moving!!!!  I am so surprised I did, I have been wanting to get up and run for a long time and would just get up and move out to the couch with my 2 year old on my lap and proceed to go back to sleep.  I would get so frustrated thinking I love to run but could never get my sorry arse up to do it.  So I have started wondering lately "Do I really love doing it? Cause if I did, I would be doing it!!"  I was really proud I got up and to top off my day I went to swimming squad with my gorgeous girlfriends.  They help me to try things that I've been too afraid to try for a long time.  Now this blog is doing the same.  WooHoo to me, I say.  Now for tomorrow's challenge.  Get up and Move first thing and now focus on what I put in my mouth.  I'll write a day's food dairy.  The before photo is coming, it's just one more thing I am so afraid of, I avoid mirrors, I love baggy clothes and I don't even think I've seen myself naked for a long long time so imagine how my beautiful partner feels.

First Attempt at Blogging

Well I've started, I'm what you might call a 20th Century girl.  I love a letter in the mail - I send Christmas cards!!!! I'm not on Facebook (and have become far less popular because of this) and I have a mobile phone that looks like you've just ordered from the RSL and are waiting for the buzzer to sound.  The reason I say all that is that I've lost something, I've lost the ability to try new things, to do the old things that I used to love and in doing so I've lost a little of myself but also gained about 15 kgs.  So I"m here to start the Comeback, to find the vintage VB and lose weight the old fashioned way (its my style to do it this way) sweat, eating right and not blaming everything around me for why my clothes don't fit anymore.  I'm a positive person but when I look in the mirror there is nothing to feel positive about.  I started this blog in a moment of madness and frustration that another Sunday night has come around and again I've been saying all weekend "I'll start on Monday" so this  is the last time I will say that.  I have no idea what I'm going to do but it starts by being active.  My challenge for Day 1 - GET UP AND MOVE!!!!! My pledge - whenever my son wakes up (usually around 5.30/6) I will put him in the pram and go for a 30min jog.